That's when you crack a 10am beer
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
