After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
