it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
