She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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