do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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