i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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