Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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