He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
