Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Text me some of your sweat
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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