you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
