If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
