I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
