Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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