remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
