It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
