I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
