No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
