I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
