at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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