You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
