Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize