Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
