But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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