i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
