I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
