Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
