I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
