I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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