"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
