end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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