Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
