WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
