I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
