I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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