i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
