its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
