Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hippo gnu deer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
MIDGETS
????
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
