New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sarcasm needs its own font
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
