That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
