just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Swine flu is the new snow day.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
