is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
