Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's always time for handjobs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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