yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize