I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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