i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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