I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
