so let's talk penis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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