Barsexuality is the new black.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
