I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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