Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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