dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
