I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
