I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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