her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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