Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize