Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
