I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
