She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
