how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
