I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
