I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
