I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
