did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
