I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
