One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
