Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
