I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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