I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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