Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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